Friday, January 18, 2013

Elephants and Carrots and...Vassholes? Yeah, no thanks.


As if I needed one more reason to defend my decision to remain a card-carrying member of Childfree Women:

10 Unrecognizable Post-Childbirth Body Parts

You've got to be fucking kidding me.  Yes, I know this is meant to be a lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek look at the sacrifices women make to bring children into this world, but if shriveled boobs and a vaginal pachyderm weren't enough,  I now have to feel sad that I've missed out on having one giant, gaping hole between my legs out of which all my bodily waste exits?




And in case my answer weren't

It's not that I'm vain.  Not at all.  I'm fat.  Obese.  Technically classified as morbidly so, in fact.  I have a host of issues with my physical shape.  From years of yo-yo dieting I've stretched out my skin and it's a mess.  I've got cellulite and a gut and a FUPA and all that.  But my boobs are fighting the good fight, and my vagina and my asshole are two separate and distinct entities and both are fully intact.  And for that, after reading this article, I am more grateful than ever.

And the next guy who wants to tell me I'm "defective" for never having had kids can go find himself an elephantine vasshole to fuck.  I'm happy with my setup just the way it is.

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