It was recently brought to my attention that my ex is now dating a woman he met online. They're evidently over the moon for each other, he's moved in with her already, and is in love with his "instant family," spending his weekends carting "his kids" to Chuck E. Cheese and whatnot. And if the trend of my life is any indication, he'll probably marry her. They all marry the one they date after me. He always wanted children, so I guess I should be happy that he finally found someone to provide them for him. Lord knows I couldn't do it.
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but more than the fact that he's got a new girlfriend, I'm bothered by the fact that online dating actually worked for him. He's one of about three people I know who've had any modicum of success with the medium, and it pisses me off.
I hate online dating. I despise it. I hate the fact that it's superficial and full of nonsense and preconceived notions. It's an artificial construct that doesn't allow people to really get to know each other or allow people to give each other a chance because too many people will look at a list of interests, likes, and physical stats and think, "nope, not for me." And that's not fair. In real life I'm a pretty awesome person, and I'm not terribly bad-looking. I'm overweight, but I see plenty of overweight women with boyfriends and even husbands - so that can't be all there is to it, can it?
Maybe it's just the area I live in, or the fact that I'm Childfree. There's nothing "wrong" with me, other than the fact that I take a long time between relationships because the whole process is just a pain in the ass. And at this age, the pickin's are pretty slim. They consist of lunatics, losers, and drunks, or married guys looking for something on the side.
Over it. All of it. I've done crazy, I've done loser, I've done drunk (all in one, in one case!), and I've done married. None of it worked very well. Crazy loser drunks tend to be abusive, and married guys will always put their wives first (as it should be). You can't rely on these types of men, and that's such an important part of a relationship. For if you can't rely on your partner, then what's the point?
Anyway, I was ranting about the whole online dating thing, and someone asked to see what I'd written in my profile. My account had been deactivated for awhile, but once you log in again you're reactivated and cannot re-deactivate for another week. So now I'm stuck for a week, and already the bullshit has started.
From "cublookin4cougar" I get this:
Hey there I know I'm a younger guy but I really love being with older women. There a real turn on for me. If you'd like to have some fun maybe we could grab some lunch sometime and talk too see if we could make it to the bedroom ;) lol
Oh, brother. Yeah, why don't I just jump right into the sack with you? Now, my friends are offering varying views on this. Some are sympathetic, but others are telling me, "just go for it!" and "think of it as practice!"
Um. Practice? Practice for what? I don't need practice. Jesus Christ, if you people had any idea what goes on behind my closed doors...practice? None needed, believe me. What I need practice in is interacting with men my own age, men who are emotionally available, men who want to treat me like a partner and not just a piece of fucking meat (literally). I'm not knocking FWB situations, but I'm over it at this point.
I'm told, "just hold on, it'll happen when you least expect it."
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but more than the fact that he's got a new girlfriend, I'm bothered by the fact that online dating actually worked for him. He's one of about three people I know who've had any modicum of success with the medium, and it pisses me off.
I hate online dating. I despise it. I hate the fact that it's superficial and full of nonsense and preconceived notions. It's an artificial construct that doesn't allow people to really get to know each other or allow people to give each other a chance because too many people will look at a list of interests, likes, and physical stats and think, "nope, not for me." And that's not fair. In real life I'm a pretty awesome person, and I'm not terribly bad-looking. I'm overweight, but I see plenty of overweight women with boyfriends and even husbands - so that can't be all there is to it, can it?
Maybe it's just the area I live in, or the fact that I'm Childfree. There's nothing "wrong" with me, other than the fact that I take a long time between relationships because the whole process is just a pain in the ass. And at this age, the pickin's are pretty slim. They consist of lunatics, losers, and drunks, or married guys looking for something on the side.
Over it. All of it. I've done crazy, I've done loser, I've done drunk (all in one, in one case!), and I've done married. None of it worked very well. Crazy loser drunks tend to be abusive, and married guys will always put their wives first (as it should be). You can't rely on these types of men, and that's such an important part of a relationship. For if you can't rely on your partner, then what's the point?
Anyway, I was ranting about the whole online dating thing, and someone asked to see what I'd written in my profile. My account had been deactivated for awhile, but once you log in again you're reactivated and cannot re-deactivate for another week. So now I'm stuck for a week, and already the bullshit has started.
From "cublookin4cougar" I get this:
Hey there I know I'm a younger guy but I really love being with older women. There a real turn on for me. If you'd like to have some fun maybe we could grab some lunch sometime and talk too see if we could make it to the bedroom ;) lol
Oh, brother. Yeah, why don't I just jump right into the sack with you? Now, my friends are offering varying views on this. Some are sympathetic, but others are telling me, "just go for it!" and "think of it as practice!"
Um. Practice? Practice for what? I don't need practice. Jesus Christ, if you people had any idea what goes on behind my closed doors...practice? None needed, believe me. What I need practice in is interacting with men my own age, men who are emotionally available, men who want to treat me like a partner and not just a piece of fucking meat (literally). I'm not knocking FWB situations, but I'm over it at this point.
I'm told, "just hold on, it'll happen when you least expect it."
And to this I say, FUCK YOU. And I mean that in the nicest possible way, because I know when people say shit like that, they mean well. But here's what I don't understand. I've been "least expecting" it for the better part of the last 20 years, only about 7 of which have been spent in any kind of actual relationship. I'm 41 years old. How come some people find their soulmate at 25 or 30 but the rest of us have to "hold on?" Hold on to what? My face as it slides down my skull? My boobs as they travel down to my knees? The handfuls of hair I rip out of my head when I get messages from little pisspots who want to fuck an older woman so they can add it to their resume? Fuck that. And no, I will not go have fun, because little shits like this don't deserve the fun I know how to have.
As a single 43 year old woman, just let me say that I love you for writing this. I agree with ALL of it!
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